"2 Steps Forward, 1.5 Steps Back" or "Breastfeeding"

My MIL keeps telling me that "motherhood obviously agrees with" me. And that is flattering to hear--for sure. I do enjoy my little guy very, very much. I love being his mom! That being said, being Mom has been a lot more difficult than I expected. In fact, my own mother commented this past week, "Just so you know, babies aren't usually this difficult."  That's reassuring because Baby C has been more than a little difficult. The difficulty has almost all stemmed from breastfeeding and I've felt strongly that I need to share our story because I was desperately in need of some of these answers weeks ago. And yet they were not to be found in all my desperate Google searches.  So, in the hopes of helping out another new, nursing mother, here's where we've been and where we've still yet to go. (Apologies in advance--its a long one. But the picture at the end will make it all worth it!)

The breastfeeding difficulties really began while we were still "Livin' the Dream" at the hospital. The nurses at the hospital were really nice, but they have one main goal--to get you OUT of the hospital. In order to do this, your baby has to be eating so they "help" you get some food into your tiny baby whatever way they can. Having ZERO experience with breastfeeding I was pretty much at the mercy of whomever was on call to help, and their philosophy of nursing went something like this: "Hold your breast. Bring baby up to the breast and once his mouth is open wide, shove his face onto your nipple as fast as possible." I followed their advice, and for four days poor Baby C had his face shoved into and on to my boob 8-12 times a day.  He desperately tried to do something with this manhandling and usually got a little milk along with a lot of stress. As for me, I got insanely sore breasts and more than a little frustrated. Why? Because though his face was in the dinner plate, nobody had taught Baby C how to properly eat. For that matter, nobody had taught his mom how to help him.  By Day 4 of life, Baby C was hungry and crying, and Mom was in pain and frustrated and crying, too. 

Enter Karen the Lactation Specialist.  Our pediatrician recommended we go see her and she had an opening right away (Tender Mercy!). That first appointment was a godsend. Don't shove your baby's face into your breast! Let him "come to the table" and eat like a normal human being! She helped me with Baby C's latch and helped me figure A LOT of stuff out. We went back two days later for more help and she recommended I take 24-48 hours off breastfeeding (I pumped) to let myself heal because I was super cut up. Guess what else I learned? Its okay for baby to take the occasional bottle. Even two days of bottles! He'll be fine.

And things actually started looking up. Baby C and I were working on not hurting mom while he ate, and I was especially working on chilling out. The first couple weeks went by and things improved and improved--even though Baby C was still pretty fussy 24-7. (And did I mention he wasn't a fan of his binky? He wasn't. We tried several. Didn't like anything that didn't give him food!) We figured we had a colicky baby on our hands and we'd just have to deal. And we did. Lots of swaddling and bouncing and nursing. He was/is a 24 hour job!

Baby C turned 4 weeks old and the next day I seemed to dry up. BAM. Saturday night I suddenly had zero milk. Baby C got, understandably, frustrated and the whole sick cycle started over again. He bit and pulled, my breasts got super sore and tender, nothing would let down...and the tears set in again. Problem was, my milk supply didn't seem to be rebounding, either. Adding to all my frustrations was that everything I could find online about this said, "You do have enough milk! Your body will make enough milk for your baby. Chill out." And yet...here I was with, obviously, not enough milk. 

I contacted Karen and she suggested I take fenugreek. Done. I went to see our pediatrician to see if Baby's screaming and crying were anything besides "low milk frustrations"--and we agreed he probably had GERD. And I tried to be patient with baby.  And I cried with baby.  And I contacted Karen again for an appointment. Because Mommy's Intuition was telling me that something was actually wrong.  Heck, if the entire World Wide Interwebs said my body was designed to have enough milk, then where was the problem?

Turns out the problem was my little bundle o' joy, himself. Karen watched us in all our "hot nursing action" for maybe 2 minutes (During which time Baby C put on a grand show of 90-decibal screams, biting, and general freaking out. He pulled out all the stops. That's my boy!) before landing on the answer--Baby C doesn't eat correctly.  A nursing baby should suckle the breast--creating suction and pulling on the nipple.  Baby C was making more of a chewing motion, so A) He wasn't getting as much milk as he should have been, and B) He wasn't sending the signal to Mom's brain/body to make more milk. In conclusion, Baby C had been hungry for at least two weeks, if not more, and my milk supply was drying up, thus making it worse every day.  Yay Life!

The Good News: We can fix this!  Baby C and I have been in re-training mode for 4 days now and I expect we'll be working on it for a couple more weeks to really get it down. Mr. C gave him a Priesthood blessing and I know that has also had a major impact on the improvement we've seen. For my part, I've started taking a different supplement (LactationBlend) to increase my milk supply and I'm trying to nurse AND pump as often as possible. 

Other Good News: We have a pretty happy baby. That 24/7 fussiness? Its a genetic malady from both the O and C families--we get cranky when we're hungry. Go figure. When he's got a full tummy, Baby C is even more adorable than we'd first realized. He has the most wonderful grin and he loves to cuddle. He's fascinated by his Elmo & Tweety Bird rattles. He'll even occasionally take a binky!

Moral of the Story: Yes, a woman's body is designed to have enough milk for her child but all the pieces have to be in sync to make it work. If you feel like your supply is too low, it very well could be. And 99% of the time (this from my OB), its the baby's fault. So don't wallow in guilt! Find answers. Go see Karen. She's amazeballs. If you don't have Karen, find another lactation consultant in your area. And finally--don't give up! Have faith. It will work out. 

Its hard on some days to remember all that, but I am trying. These past 6 weeks have been tough ("T-U-P-H!" What movie?!) and I know there will still be loads upcoming to make me cry (2-month shots, anyone?). But we have survived, thus far. And we are getting better at this parenthood thing. After all, Baby C is just that--a Baby! A baby who needs to be taken care of and taught how this whole crazy LIFE thing works. We love him lots and lots and he really is totally and completely worth it.

Laughing because he has the Cadbury Mini Eggs!